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When I Lost My Mother!

FAYIQA SHAH

I am an introvert. I keep things within myself. I do not share things with my friends, cousins because I think no one is interested and they cannot do anything about it. I did not know what sufferings meant. I knew only about the good part of life. I just wanted to enjoy my life. My life was on a smooth track but one day it took a turn that changed my life completely. I lost my mother. I was not ready to accept it because my mother was everything for me. She was my friend with whom I shared everything. She was my strength, my inspiration. She believed in me. She supported me. She tried to fulfill my desires. She protected me from the miseries of this world. She scolded me and I felt angry about that but today i realize that it was not scolding but care. Whenever I felt stressed she hugged me and everything would be fine. I showed a childish unwillingness to leave my mother. I thought it was a nightmare but it was a dreadful reality that I had to accept. There was darkness all around. She fled away leaving me in this disloyal world. At that time I asked a question to myself "Will I be able to live?" I was completely dependent on my mother and never expected my life without her. But the truth was that I had to live alone. No doubt my father was there but unfortunately he was not able to give that care, love. The bond we have with our mother is a filial bond that even death cannot break it.

Now somehow I accepted the reality. My father promised that he will not marry but due to some circumstances he married. I believed that my mother sent anew woman to take care of us but my expectations led to disappointments. A new woman arrived so called step mother but I think the word mother does not suit her because she always tries to hurt us. She poisons my father’s ears so that he starts to hate me and my siblings, but thanks to Almighty that my father still cares for us. Sometimes I start to hate him but at the same time I realize there is no one without him who will care for me because only our parents really care for us and others just pretend that they care about us and show fake affection.

 I realized that we get only one mother and no one can take her place. Sometimes I decide to end up my life and sometimes I make myself understand that Almighty will help me and everything will be fine. At the same time i lose hope and feel broken. People say don’t do bad things that will lead you to hell but what if I am already living in hell. I miss my mother every day. I need her every day. I beg to God that please give me my mother back for only few moments so that I can tell her that Mother I am not brave enough to live my life without you, to face all the difficulties without you, to feel the pain without you, to see the worst side of the world without you and to feel the loneliness without you. I never realized the importance of my mother. I never cared for her but when I lost her I came to know that this world is nothing without a mother. Mother is that person that completes our life but unfortunately we take her for granted.

I remember an incident that took place with me .I was with my mother and suddenly I went on the other side of the road and I was not able to find my mother. I cried a lot and when I saw her, I ran towards her and hugged her. That time I was able to find her but now death has taken her away from me from where she can never return. The only relationship that is full of faith, love, care, trust is the relation with your mother. I feel like my mind is caged in my body and I want to fly away from this world. In the heart of hearts there are memories, regrets and deep scars. All I can say that it was written in my fate and only Almighty knows what is best for us.

  • Title: When I Lost My Mother!
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  • Date: 12:50 PM
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