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Restless mind

Anxiety about one’s examination results is but natural.
Here Numan Ahmad shares his anxieties as he was waiting for the results.
There is this natural phenomenon common in our times; pre result anxiety and post result deaths. I know calling it a natural phenomenon is a little too much, but for us, results are seriously a big deal though. For me it sure is not big enough a deal to end life. No one should. I have appeared in my 12th class examinations and am spending sleepless nights waiting for D-Day.
I am a non-medical student and want to be an architect and the coming result is going to play a vital role in shaping my dream. Or at least that is what I have been made to believe. If you ask me, personally, I don’t think marks matter that much as far as my career goes. Marks are just there to make an impression. If I get good marks my parents will give me a treat and medal.
And if I don’t then I have to be prepared for a horror filled fate - those long debates and discussions on how I never work hard, how my mom charges at me; social networks are the demons and take his phone away. OMG! Just thinking about it sends chill down my spine. You won’t believe but my dreams, or should I call them nightmares, are laced with numbers. Some of joy and others of doom enough to wake me up in the middle of the night. I wonder, if life is always like this? Will these exams and results ever go away?
A student has to keep fighting such anxieties off and on and in order to get over it, they try their level best. But they lose control; either they acquire extreme optimism (like me) or lock themselves in a room (ironically again like me). And the worst hits are those (sorry to say again, people like me) who know that they have messed the exam up. I am a confused soul but I know my mathematics paper didn’t go well.
My time is spent in fears of what if I score low. But hey there will be a lot to learn. Result anxiety smashes all the cool quotes that you have read. At times you get so depressed that you start listening to God. Really! Remember what Dr. House said once: “If you talk to God then you are religious but if God talks to you then you are psychotic.” If you are wondering who Dr. House is, then he is the lead character in my favorite American series, House M.D.
I have no idea right now whether I am happy or sad. But I am sure I will be able to cope up. Expectations of parents and family and in case of Kashmir of the whole khandaan (extended family) are hanging on my head. They are ready to fall down and crush me. Yeah parents can be weird in these times but I am sure that mine will never want a good result over my life. “My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure,” Abraham Lincoln once said. I am trying in advance to be content with my failure which I may or may not face.
Also there are crazy thoughts like what if the mood of the examiner who checks my paper was bad? Please God let that not be my mathematics paper. There is so much uncertainty around me right now. I am not even sure of my score. I am expecting anything between 300 and 500.
Most of the students are below average and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have the capability of succeeding in their life. Remember the best minds have been nourished by a moisturizer called failure. Take Albert Einstein or Thomas Alva Edison or some other great personality. There are plenty of times in their lives when they failed. But the reason for no one calling them failure was that they refused to give up. Winston Churchill said: “Success is all about going from one failure to another”. I am bracing myself, getting ready for the consequences and saying failure is good. Yeah, grapes are sour. May be the result brings you failure but suffering through anxiety is not a good idea.
Get over it.

  • Title: Restless mind
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  • Date: 12:05 PM
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